It’s important for us to know and grow the essential resilience skills that boost the quality of our resilience, irrespective of the fact that we all have the ability to be resilient. Resilience is something you grow and work on and it’s not just a fixed trait that you may have or may not.

People who are resilient enjoy better relationships, they’re physically healthier, they experience more uplifting emotions, and they’re more resourceful. They can bounce back, seek help, connect with others, reframe, creatively solve problems, and cope with myriad challenges. However, by working on these skills, you’ll be fostering and beefing up your level of resilience.

9 Essential Resilience Skills to Build Unshakeable Strength

Kindly take note that these essential resilience skills are very vital and they play a significant role in your resilience journey.

1. Composure. Sometimes in life, we may find it staggering to keep our balance because life doesn’t hold back in offering countless funny scenarios, usually ranging from a lost wallet and a flat tire to a stuck elevator, a surprise diagnosis, and lots more.

You need to start working on your composure by protecting your interests and opting in for solutions that portray your values by taking a minute to ponder over your response as you recognize the disruption.Composure helps you handle uncertainty better and it helps to communicate your wisdom, intelligence, and sense of leadership.

Here are a few tips you can make use of to maintain composure;

• Be passionate but do not let your emotions get the best of you. Let your body language be positive rather than yelling when things get tough. Don’t let your emotions distract you and make you risk losing some people or things that are valuable to you.
• Avoid taking things personally. This may seem somewhat ridiculous, especially looking at the fact that violence enjoys more attention and is largely encouraged on most social media platforms, Twitter especially. However, not taking things personally will help to improve your thinking and decision prowess, make you open-minded, and even make you a better person ultimately.
• Keep a positive mental attitude. There are lots of good you can do to yourself and others when you practice positivity. This attitude will help you neutralize chaos, inspire others to keep the faith, and help you handle negativity easily.
• Stay courageous. When you find your courage, it will be easy for you to focus and act rationally. Courage will help you see that the difficult situation you are facing isn’t that bad and it can be resolved and managed.
• Respond decisively. Signs of doubt will not be all over you when you maintain your composure. Whether you are sure or not, communicate with authority, confidence, and conviction.
• Be accountable. Accountability encompasses a lot of things; it could relate to you and yourself or to a group, association, or organization you are involved with. Accountability also involves doing what you have to do to ensure that a problem doesn’t spiral out of control.
• Express readiness to listen and be vulnerable. Acting like you’ve never been there before is a great way to stay composed in trying times. Be calm, be an active listener, and be compassionate.

2. Patience. Patience is a marker of resilience and it’s often tested by the art of listening. How patient can you be when someone else is speaking when you’re supposed to be the one talking? How patient can you be to listen to someone’s story when you’re not in for any? Patience does help us become more resilient when we become better listeners by giving others an uninterrupted chance to complete their thoughts, delay judgment, and let others enjoy our attention whenever they are communicating.

Being patient can be tough. In fact, psychology experts reveal that being patient may be more than “what you just intend to do and keep doing” because there are three factors; the situation, your personal history, and personality; that determine your patience. But, it helps a lot to be patient. However, please take note that patience here isn’t about staying in an abused or toxic relationship but how you handle life and what it throws at you.

Here are a few ways to become more patient;

• Practice mindfulness and meditation. Meditation and/or mindfulness help you become less reactive, it makes you become more conscious of what is going on within and outside of you, teaches you breath control, and helps you stay present. A meditation or mindful practice may involve sitting in silence for some minutes.
• Practice positive self-talk. Hype yourself! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you cheering yourself up and telling yourself that some feelings are temporary and they do not need to keep swaying you off all the time. Use your mantra and keep repeating it.
• Take it easy with yourself. We love to get things done as fast as we can that we forget that some things take time. And, it is our impatience that makes us sick and consequentially lead to our emotional outburst. Whenever you get impatient, practice self-compassion.
• Keep a record of your triggers. Most people who find it difficult to be patient are actually helpless on how to manage their triggers; what makes them lose their cool. Whatever makes you lose patience; maybe it’s a particular task, place, people, a feeling, or anything, have a list of all these triggers and start tackling them one by one.
• Test your patience. This may sound somewhat counterintuitive but it does work for your patience. When you make yourself exposed to something that works you up, it might help to improve your tolerance to that situation. For example, if you love rushing and you find it thoroughly unpleasant to wait, you can decide to go to a mall and go queue. If you hate it when someone yells at you and you are quick to get enraged and be irrational, it may not be a bad idea for you to decide to challenge yourself to engage in a conversation with someone who has that yelling tendency and choose not to be reactive. Remember, you are doing this for yourself and that is what matters. Experts call this method exposure therapy.
• Work on improving your listening skills. There is this approachable and warm vibe you will give to your parent, colleagues, relatives, and friends when you are patient. Rather than putting your focus on what you have to say next or how to react, shift your attention to what people around you are saying.
• Reflect on the outcome. While it is very easy for you to be swept off by your reactive emotions, take a moment to reflect and don’t let your emotions consume you.
• Be involved. Flexing your patient muscle by finishing a brain game, reading a very long book, or completing a puzzle is a great way to learn to become more patient.
• Cook a meal. Start from the scratch. Good meals tend to require extra care and the preparation of a meal is a great way to put your patience to test, especially if you are not a great fan of puzzles.
• Remind yourself that life is short. With this consciousness in your mind, you will understand that a lot of trivial things aren’t actually worth it. Seriously. And, you will be able to be more cognizant of your priorities.

3. Optimism. Staying positive on the darker days is as important as feeling optimistic on days when the universe is being kind. We’ll live longer, healthier, and happier when we’re hopeful. Hope is the expectation of a better tomorrow and for you to harness it to improve your resilience, you need to be conscious of what you believe in, your purpose, your strengths, and the people who support you, and remember happy moments.

Studies reveal that you enjoy a longer life span, better stress management, lower rates of depression, fewer colds, swift recovery from illness or injury, improved physical and psychological health, higher energy levels, and better quality of life when you stay optimistic. You can stay resilient when you see the bright spots in tough times.

Here are a few ways to stay optimistic;

• Focus on the good things in life. Life often mixes up the bad with the good. While you are confronted with the bad, look for the good in it. For example, if your lover decides to walk away, look on the brighter side. It is an opportunity for you to find someone better rather than trying to commit suicide and refusing to be happy.
• Open yourself up to humor. All thanks to social media, humorous videos aren’t difficult to find. You can go to Facebook, YouTube, or any other platform where you can watch funny videos. Aside from watching comics, don’t restrict yourself from laughing. Laugher works great for the body and it helps to improve self-esteem, mood, coping skills, and reduces depression, anxiety, and stress.
• Hang out with positive people. Beware of who you are hanging around with because both positivity and negativity are contagious.
• Find pleasure in small things. The world is littered with a pool of bad news and the little things we do such as feeding the dog, strolling your cat, making your tea, or even any other activity that you consider mundane may be a great source of distraction,
• Start every day on a positive note. There is an array of positive and uplifting things you can do to kick off your day. You can do something nice for someone, give a compliment, share some positivity, listen to your positive and happy playlist or song, or say a positive affirmation.

4. Gratitude. Our overall well-being and relationships get strengthened by an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude makes our whole life experience more enjoyable, even though some may find it not needful, you can think of it like pizza toppings. You’ll be stunned at how more resilient you’ll be when you keep practicing gratitude in the small and big moments.

Appreciate what arrives on time, be thankful for a hug, a smile, a creative insight, a glass of water, a deep breath, and all of the simple things in life.

Here are simple ways to practice gratitude;

• Notice the good things in your life. There are a lot of things that we take for granted. To start noticing these things, you can start by thinking of three things that you are thankful for every day. This may include a good meal, a warm bed, shelter, community, people, and nature. You can as well start a gratitude journal or practice gratitude rituals.
• Savor the feeling of gratitude. Permit yourself to absorb good feelings by focusing on the experience. Whenever your blessings happen, savor the moment, bask in them, and allow them to sink in.
• Express gratitude. This has to do with showing your heartfelt appreciation and it is beyond being polite, showing manners, or displaying courtesy. To express gratitude, you can write it out, tell people that have been of great help to you that you appreciate them, be more thoughtful, act with kindness, or return a favor.

5. Acceptance. There are two kinds of people; those who embrace the reality of uncertainty and those who get rattled by uncertainty. Those who choose to do the former are those who enjoy the benefits of improved resilience. We must always understand that a large chunk of our lives is out of our control, regardless of how much we love control.

It’s time you say yes to life; to the beautiful and the ugly. Be open and accept what comes your way. Engage creatively with the unknown. Embrace the uncertainty.

Here are three steps to practice acceptance and have a peaceful life;

• Rather than complaining, find solutions. Nothing is as draining as complaining about everything. This action doesn’t drain your energy alone, it also wastes your time, and makes you bitter and negative. Work on channeling your energy productively by brainstorming solutions rather than constantly drooling over a situation.
• Learn to let go. There is this Don William’s song learn to let it go that I really like. If you can, stream the song and listen to the lyrics. Work on yourself to let go of mishaps that come your way and accept some of the little things in life.
• Let beauty in. From lifelong friendships and kissing in the sunset to wonderful cuisine, amazing culture, reinvigorating music, beautiful birds in the sky, colorful fishes, and mountains to beaches, beauty is teeming everywhere around us. Just take a look around and enjoy some of these beauties life gives us. Engaging in an activity like hiking, whether on a local trail or at one of the top hiking destinations, is also another way to enjoy nature while getting fit at the same time.

6. Kindness. Our problem-solving, healing, and coping skills can be hindered when we refuse to treat one another with kindness. Your capacity to be kind to yourself or even others can be decreased by energy-depleting experiences such as insecurities, losses, fear, and physical illness. It takes considerable willpower to be kind even when we choose to be kind.

Kindness boosts resilience. Imagine you doing something that makes someone smile, there’s a way it inspires you to get through the day and the next. Even when it requires more effort, choose to stay committed to being kind to yourself and others.

Being kind is good for your health and your resilience and here are some ways to practice kindness;

• Use your manners. Hopefully, it won’t sound derogatory if you are encouraged to use your manners. As a kid, my parents and my older sibling encouraged me to use the words “please” and “thank you” frequently and whenever they were needed. Learn to be courteous by making people feel significant with the choice of words you use, such as “please” and “thank you.”
• Wave to neighbors. Waving is fast becoming a lost art. Do you know that you can positively impact someone’s day when you make it known to them that they are seen? Whenever you see a neighbor driving by, at the supermarket, or at the ATM stand, wave at him/her. Waving does make people feel good as it promotes a sense of love and significance.
• Call instead of text. Do you know that you can improve someone’s mental well-being with just a phone call? While your text may not do quite much, your voice or even your face (video call) will convey more meaningful words and will be more engaging.
• Check-in with anyone and acknowledge people. You can never tell what a little kindness can do to someone. The attendant at the gas station, the pharmacist at the pharmacy, the cashier at the grocery store, and the lady/woman/man at the grocery store will be quick to ask you how you are doing, don’t hesitate to ask them the same question too. You can even be the one to ask them first.
• Give your full attention. There is always an array of things competing for our attention and this explains why a lot of people will not hesitate to multitask at the slightest opportunity. However, whenever someone requests your time, make sure you maintain eye contact, be intentional, give your full attention, and let your gadgets rest for that moment.
• Compliment someone. “Oh wow, I love your dress”. “Hi, handsome, your smile is pretty cute”. “I love your kicks”. Compliments don’t kill and they cost you nothing. Be generous with your compliments because you never know how impactful those few words can be to someone and the difference they can make.
• Help a neighbor in need. This help may not involve money but can be little things like rendering an assist. The thing is, a lot of people don’t know how to ask for help because they don’t want to be seen as a pest or being inconveniencing but when you notice there is a way you can help, do try to.
• Be kind to yourself. The whole point of kindness will be defeated if you are kind to others and you aren’t kind to yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Take care of you and appreciate yourself.

7. Sense of purpose. Our desire to abide by a set of values or pursuit to help other people can help us find purpose. We’ll be filled with courage, it will be way easier for us to be hopeful, we can get engaged, and focus on our energy when we recognize our purpose, and in turn, our resilience gets bolstered.

Whatever makes you feel inspired or smile can be your purpose; it could be a whole lot of little things and it could be just one big thing. Take your time to reflect on these things and figure out what gives your life meaning and purpose. Once you’re able to find an answer or answers, write them somewhere.

Here are a few ways to develop your sense of purpose;

• Cultivate curiosity. Curiosity motivates you and it drives you to discover your interests.
• Encourage self-reflection. A great way to develop a sense of purpose is by looking at where the next destination lies and reflecting on how your journey has been.
• Set goals. It is easy to set goals when you have a good sense of purpose. And, your resilience to barriers, determination to reach challenging goals, and optimism to thrive can be aided by goal setting which will benefit your sense of purpose in the long run.
• Model and mentor. Your sense of purpose benefits greatly from a growth mindset development which can be fostered by modelling and mentoring.
• Connect to the real world. Immerse yourself in real-world problems and contribute your quota to the world.

8. Forgiveness. Do you know that you can enjoy more joy and make your life more meaningful by freeing up your brain to focus on more important things? Yes, you can by decreasing the load of your hurts by practicing forgiveness. You must understand that going through life, there are tendencies that you’ll be disappointed by some people and at a point in time, there will be some misunderstandings you’ll have with your colleagues, loved ones, and friends, regardless of how wonderful they may be.

And, when this happens, you can choose to either find healing or fester the resulting hurt. You need to spend your energy on what and where you desire and let go of the grudge to retrieve the power from the person who hurt you and this will as well help you to improve your level of resilience.

Forgiveness can be a bit hard for many, especially when the hurt is deep, but here are a few keys to forgiveness;

• Understand the concept of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a process that features several steps, it has no quick formula to follow, it’s not about pretense, and it’s not about looking for excuses. Forgiveness is all about showing mercy and practicing goodness and, we do enjoy a sense of inner strength and safety plus our self-esteem gets increased when we choose to forgive.
• Make yourself fit to forgive. You can’t say you are willing to forgive when you still speak badly of the person who wronged you and you are still thinking of a possibility of harming the person. Focus on building your love and forgiveness muscle by giving love and showing love in little ways.
• Address your inner pain. We experience inner pain because of the hurts we have been through and we may need to find emotional healing by forgiving.
• Use empathy to develop a forgiving mind. An important step in the process of forgiveness is empathy. You may be able to see the vulnerability of the person that hurt you when you start understanding the common humanity you both share by seeing the person’s psychological suffering or physical foibles.
• Find meaning in your suffering. Most times, our suffering tends to change us positively. The meaning we derive from the suffering someone causes us may make the forgiveness process easier.
• Call on your other strengths when forgiveness is hard. It takes determination, patience, and time to forgive and, you’re not a failure at forgiveness if you’re still struggling with forgiveness. However, calling upon your other resources can be a great way to forgive when it seems so difficult.
• Forgive yourself. Some of us do things that make us say “I will never forgive myself for….” However, you must beware of self-loathing and see yourself as an imperfect being who is still trying to get better. When you refuse to soften your heart toward yourself and move toward self-compassion, you’ll be prone to engaging in different forms of self-punishment like smoking excessively, drinking immoderately intentionally, oversleeping, overeating, or neglecting your self-care in other areas.
• Develop a forgiving heart. It may be a long walk but it will definitely be worth it. Trust me. You will have a greater sense of what loving, courage, and humility entail when you overcome suffering, and developing a forgiving heart will make others see the beauty of living a life void of grudges through you.

9. Connection. Loneliness is malevolent to our bodies and minds and it does portray a lack of true connection to others. Being connected isn’t actually when you have a lot of people hovering all around you. As a matter of fact, you may be in a gathering of tons of people and still feel lonely and you may just be hanging out with a friend or two and feel so connected.

We often hear a number of people saying they’re a loner, they’re this, and that, and while it’s true that everyone is entitled to live as they wish to, a high percentage of these people who build walls around them do have battles they’re fighting that they can’t share with anyone. Yes, we all have our individual struggles but talking to people we trust does have a way of relieving us from this stress of life and living. You don’t need to have massive friends.

In fact, having plentiful friends, sometimes, may not be a healthy choice. But, having strong relationships with a couple of people won’t be bad, this can even help you build resilience. You can boost your longevity and health and get your courage and hope nurtured by the connection you make.

Here are a few ways to deepen your connection with others;

• Smile. You never know the kind of positive effect your smile will have on the person you are talking to. A smile has a way of deepening your connection and it’s an easy and simple gift you can give anybody; be it a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend, or even your parents.
• Make eye contact. You will be encouraging an atmosphere that supports openness and an improved sense of safety and trust when you decide to be fully present and make eye contact. Eyes are regarded to be the gateway of the soul and they’re a very potent way to connect deeply.
• Schedule quality time. We are all busy with the plenty of things we want to do and while it’s easy to get carried away by these duties and responsibilities, you could hurt your relationships if you can’t create some time to hang out with your friends.
• Listen with your heart. When someone is sharing his/her experience with you, your ability to be present is determined by how you listen; whether with your head or your heart. When you are listening to your friend, don’t be quick to serve judgements or assume because of the internal dialogue playing in your head. Don’t use your experience to interrupt, let the person finish his/her sentences, and don’t have responses already formulated in your head; making it look like you already have what to say and you haven’t really been listening per se.
• Love actively. Loving isn’t as difficult as many project it to be. You can show some love and give some love in simple and little ways. Extend loving gestures, make yourself available for someone who needs someone to lean on, give a helping hand, make someone laugh, practice random acts of kindness to people you don’t know, make a nourishing meal for someone who doesn’t have money to eat a good meal, buy gifts, or just practice anything that preaches love.
• Communicate consciously and effectively. Most people don’t know how to communicate, and this is one of the things that usually robs them of the relationships they should enjoy with their loved ones. Learn to communicate mindfully without blaming people or being dramatic.
• Don’t let everything be all about you and what you have to do. Maybe you are someone who receives a lot of love and checkup from loved ones who will not stop asking about your visions, goals, hobbies, family, and life in general, don’t be narcissistic to constantly make everything all about you. Enhance your connection with others by reciprocating their kind gestures and giving them full attention whenever they are having a conversation with you.
• Understand their nays and yea. One man’s food is another man’s poison. If you truly love someone and you value the relationship between you two, you should try to learn their likes and dislikes and you can only know this when you engage in a deeper level of conversation with the person.
• Be authentic. Nothing sucks you badly like being fake. Your fakeness about who you are and what you do will rob you of your uniqueness and make you risk losing the relationships you value when people see that you have been fake all this while. “To thine own self be true”.